Mike's Corner

I admit it. The Kroger U-Scan intimidates me. I know, I know, it shouldn't... but it does. I never intended on ever actually using it, but Shannon assured me that it was safe and easy. I was content to just watch other brave souls from afar.

After some persuading, she finally talked me into trying it. And since that time, the Kroger associates always roll their eyes whenever they see me coming. Inevitably, I'm going to double scan something, or forget to immediately place the purchased item in the bag, or mess up the form of payment, or choose the wrong language ("Ponga por favor sus artículos en el bolso").

I had finally reached a point where I felt somewhat comfortable with the "user friendly" apparatus... until today. I stopped by after to work to pick up a few items, including some potatoes. I scanned the potatoes a half dozen times before I realized that there was no bar code. I had officially become my own check-out clerk. Now, they've got me hitting buttons, weighing the bag, etc... I was tempted to put on a smock, start chewing gum, and get on the intercom to announce "Price check on aisle three".

I might sound old, but I remember when you had a choice of Full Service gas or Self Service gas. Just the other night, we had dinner at The Melting Pot, and had to cook our own dinner. Grocery stores are heading toward the same fate. It won't be long before you'll walk into a Starbucks and have to make your own Venti Double-shot Hazelnut Latte. The travesty...

For some reason, everyone always asks me my opinion of the Oscars (you would think that they would have learned by now). That being said, it is very easy to reveal said opinions.

The Departed was an amazing mobster film, as only Martin Scorsese could direct. Unfortunately, it was not the best film of the year. There were two films that were much better: Little Miss Sunshine and Dreamgirls. Scorsese won a sympathy Oscar due to his previous brilliant works: Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The Color of Money, Goodfellas, Gangs of New York, and The Aviator.

But Marty wasn't the only one to take home a statue due to a stellar career. Alan Arkin all but held Eddie Murphy at gunpoint to take home the Best Supporting Actor award. If you've seen Dreamgirls then you should just sit there and nod your head.

Of course, the Academy got a few things right: Forest Whitaker is overdue, and he earned his statue for Best Actor in The Last King of Scotland. And Helen Mirren walked away with an Oscar with her portrayal as The Queen during the difficult period following the death of Princess Diana.

Oh yeah... Jennifer Hudson won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for Dreamgirls. I agree. It wasn't even close. Not to slap the other nominees in the face,... but it really wasn't even close.

If you disagree with me about my opinions, feel free to call 1-800-CRY-BABY.

Enough already... I am the true father of Dannielynn. Please make the check payable to David Michael Earnest. Thank you. All of the other contestants may return to their seats.

Raise your hand if you have ever eaten at a Taco Bell. Thanks, now put down your hand. Now go to this link and watch the video, then raise your hand if you ever plan on eating Taco Bell again. I didn't think so. This will make you run for the border... Mike

http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/23/news/companies/taco_bell/index.htm