Mike's Corner

I called my father the other day to tell him I was in Miami and on the biggest boat that I had ever seen. He asked me if I was at the boat show...

Nope. I was on my very first cruise.

Shannon had been on two, so she was my "Cruise Guide". Pulling up to the port, I was amazed at how many of these huge vessels were lined up. Celebrity, Royal Carribean, Carnival, they were all there. Skyscrapers floating on water.

After finally getting on board (we had to navigate through security, which is similar to airport security), we went to the pool for the welcoming toast. Rum Runners and Pina Coladas were handed out as the staff hurried here and there to make sure everyone had a cocktail.



Next was the Muster Drill. In the case of an emergency (fire, pirates, iceburg, etc...) we were to report to our Muster Station, then "calmly" walk outside in a single-file line. The young lady explaining all of this turned out to be my blackjack dealer about 8 hours later. Now I feel safe...

Our first stop was in Key West, which I had not been to in 20 years. We took the trolley tour to learn the city's history, had a beer at Sloppy Joe's, went to the original Margaritaville, toured Mel Fisher's Treasure, slipped into the Hard Rock Cafe, and saw the southern most point of the USA.

The Dolphin Swim was the highlight of the Caymans, but I'll have to post those photos later. Across the street from Dolphin Discovery was the turtle farm. The most dangerous thing here were the iguanas that lurked in the trees. You never knew when they were going to fall or jump from the palm trees.

We saw our second Hard Rock Cafe and another Margaritaville while at the Caymans. We decided to eat at a local place instead though, Paradise Grill. We had two beers each, a fish sandwich, coconut shrimp, and a side of crappy service: 60 dollars US. The place was packed, of course (there were 3 cruise ships in the harbor with about 7000 hungry people).

The view from our cabin was awful: we couldn't see any land, we couldn't see any clouds, very boring.

I was disappointed in the fact that I gained 9 pounds in 6 days. Maybe next time we should take a Jenny Craig Cruise. Food was everywhere! Turkey Club at 3 AM? No problem. Taco Bar by the pool, 4 buffets around the clock, dining room service with 5 star food nightly. Keep the wine flowing! I'll have another Rum Runner! (plus 15%, of course).

At our assigned dining room table were Jeff and Debbie from Arizona, Dave and Michelle from Toronto, and Stacy and Heather from Kentucky (not pictured, because Heather felt seasick on the last night).


One thing that I discovered from this cruise, a 6-day cruise is actually only a 4-day. The first and last days do not count. Next time we go, it will be a minimum of 9 days (which is actually 7). The food is great, the service is great, the activities are great, and the prices are astonomical. 3 out of 4 ain't bad.

Shannon and I were off Sunday and Monday, so we decided to take an unplanned trip to Chattanooga. I guess I never realized how close it was from Kennesaw or we would have gone much sooner!

We drove straight to Lookout Mountain and bought package tickets for "The Incline", Rock City, and Ruby Falls. "The Incline" didn't look so bad at first. It's only a little train, right? WRONG!!! It's a cable car over 100 years old that, with the slightest malfunction, can lead to a very quick and terrifying death. At least that's how I saw it.

Let me explain that I was under the impression that Rock City and Ruby Falls were at the top of "The Incline". They were not. We simply rode that evil manifestation for giggles, both up the mountain, then down again. As the good samaritan in the info booth at the apex explained, we would need to drive back up the mountain for the other two venues. Perfect...

After escaping death, we drove up to Rock City. Shannon and I agreed that this was the best of the three offerings. We were also lucky enough to pick a great weekend for it: 68 degrees, off-season, no crowds, etc...

Ruby Falls was interesting, but I seemed to get a minor case of claustrophobia during our 1/2 mile trek into the base of the mountain: it was around the time that the tour guide told us that there was 1450 feet between us and the surface above (the height of the Empire State Building for those keeping score). I could have gone all week without knowing that...

We survived our second careless act of the day, and decided to check into a hotel downtown. We got extremely lucky and found a room about 100 feet from the Tennessee Aquarium, right on the Tennessee River. We checked in, then headed to Bonefish Grill (our favorite restaurant) to meet my Uncle Ben and Aunt Kiyu for dinner.

Neither has changed a bit, and the four of us spent the next few hours enjoying incredible seafood and even better company. I could listen to Uncle Ben tell stories for day and days.

We slept in on Monday morning, mainly because we were wiped out from all of the walking the day before. Our calves hurt and we were starving. After a huge breakfast, we decided to tackle the Tennessee Aquarium. We have been to the Georgia Aquarium twice, so our expectations were high. Tennessee's version certainly didn't disappoint us.

We stopped in Dalton on the way home to see some of Shannon's friends, shopped at the outlet stores in Calhoun for a minute, then came on home to Kennesaw. We packed a lot into two days, but had a great time.

While in the Caymans this April, we're planning on swimming with the stingrays.

Shannon's idea... not mine.

A murder has been committed.

Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"

"Yes."

"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man, answers.

He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?"

"I don't know. Five...maybe six ...put me down for a five."

The following was written by a friend from high school. I came across it the other day and thought it was fantastic...

In the summer of 1995, I was walking down a sidewalk in downtown New York City, New York, with some friends. As we passed an ice cream parlor, I noticed an old man sitting alone eating a strawberry ice cream cone. About a block later one of my friends noticed I was crying and asked what was wrong. I told her about the old man. It was so sad to me.

I love old men. There is something so venerable about their frail bodies that are hunched over with the weight of a lifetime, their eyes full of history and their wrinkles laced with memories. I decided that night that old men should never have to eat alone.

Since then, whenever I see an old man eating by himself, I ask them if I can join them. I have enjoyed the company of fourteen gentlemen since that day.

I met Sid in Union Springs, Alabama. I pumped his gas for him and then we split a pack of cheese crackers. He told me about his grandson, Darius, who was attending Auburn University. He was the first person in Sid’s family to ever go to college. He cried as he told me about him.

Farmer and I ate hot dogs in Bayou la Batre, Alabama. When I asked him how he had made his living, he told me he was a farmer. Before I could smile he said, “What else could I do with a name like Farmer?”

In Paducah, Kentucky, I ate chili cheese fries and drank a strawberry shake with Emmett. He was a retired physician. I asked him how he stayed so young looking. He told me that he always paid attention to nutrition. “I mean look at this meal. We have had all the basic food groups in one sitting!”

In the airport in St. Louis, Missouri, I met Franklin. He told me he had been in love with the same woman for fifty-seven years. “The only real problem with her” he said, “is she is married to my brother.” I told him that he was breaking my heart. “Then I guess we should order a beer,” he replied. We did.

In the airport in Newark, New Jersey, I ate cheeseburgers with Spencer. He was waiting on his grandson to arrive. He was about to meet his great granddaughter for the first time. Her name was Isabelle.

In Jasper, Alabama, I dined with Lexington. He had a twin brother who drowned when they were ten years old. He had chili and I ate a grilled cheese sandwich. It was the anniversary of his brother’s death.

George and I met at Durbin Farms in Clanton, Alabama. He and his wife Delores had been putting up peaches for over forty years. He didn’t think two less peaches would hurt, so we sat together and ate two of the most perfect peaches ever grown. While peach juice dripped from our sticky fingers, he told me about his daughter. She had become addicted to pain killers after a car accident that had taken her husband’s life. She had been addicted for years. She had tried several times to get help, but things were never the same.

Bobby and I met in Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee. His son had been killed in Vietnam. He still had the flag that the army gave him at the funeral. It was on his bed-side table. We ate ham and cheese sandwiches.

Reginald and I ate home made fried chocolate pies at a little gas station in Sand Rock, Alabama. He was a carpenter by trade. When he got married, he made his wife a bed out of cherry as her wedding gift. Two years before we met, he had built her casket.

On the river bank in Augusta, Georgia, I had a liquid lunch of cheap vodka with Sanford. We shared a game of chess and talked politics. He told me about how he learned to read sitting outside the window of the white school house. He beat me badly at chess.

Richard and I ate barbeque at the Smokehouse at the Pineapple/Greenville, Alabama exit on I65. He thought his son was gay, but was too embarrassed to bring it up to him and tell him that he loved him anyway.

Charles, “I just hate the nickname Chuck,” was finishing his meal in Fort Deposit, so I joined him for a slice of ice box lemon pie. He had been a high school football coach. The Hornets were undefeated his last season.

Robert was a “dealer of formerly cherished, fine antiquities.” He had the best junk store in Mentone, Alabama. He found early on, that if you word things just right, that people will pay more for something. “They buy the story just as much as the furniture.”

Jerry was having tomato soup in Leeds, Alabama. I just had a soda. His daughter was married to “a real jackass, but their kids are real cute.”

Fourteen lunches later, I can remember these men’s faces. I can remember their stories. They are forever burned in my memory. But the face that I see more clearly than them all is the one that belongs to the story that I never knew. It is the most intriguing one of all – the cutest little man sitting quietly alone on a hot summer night in New York City slowing eating a strawberry ice cream cone. I think if I could have one “do over” in life, I would go back to that street that night, walk into the ice cream parlor and simply ask, “Mind if I join you?”

Some people think this show sucks. Some think that it is rigged. Some think it's boring. Some think it's mean.

Shannon and I think it's awesome! We've both loved it for years. We are always amazed at the talent that comes out, and equally amazed by the untalented that are shocked that they aren't "going to Hollywood".

Although some winners have been more successful than others, here's a rundown on the first seven winners:

2002 - Kelly Clarkston
2003 - Ruben Studdard
2004 - Fantasia
2005 - Carrie Underwood
2006 - Taylor Hicks
2007 - Jordin Sparks
2008 - David Cook
2009 - ??????

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was originally published on May 27, 1922. F. Scott Fitzgerald's story was inspired by a remark of Mark Twain's to the effect that it was a pity that the best part of life came at the beginning and the worst part at the end.

I read the short story hours before seeing the movie version, and can truly say that the movie is definitely a "loose" adaptation of the real deal. Both were good, but I can't figure out why they had to stray so far from the original. The only similarities between the two were the facts that his name was Benjamin, and he grew younger rather than older. That was it. Everything else was simply made up.

In my opinion (which doesn't matter much), Eric Roth (screenwriter) decided to take a great idea and make it his own. I hate that. It seemed like he said, "This is how I would write it."

So while I hated the fact that the story had been tainted, I loved the movie. The running time was 2 hours and 48 minutes, but it certainly didn't seem like it. There was a new adventure around every corner. Watching Cate Blanchett age and Brad Pitt get younger was like watching an impending train wreck: a disaster that you can't not watch.

I will not be surprised if Button wins many Oscars this year, but will be disappointed if it wins the award for Best Adaptation, but this is only my opinion.

Mike... the critic.

It's tough to have the courage to use tongue during your first kiss.

Shannon turns 29 (again) today, so I thought it would be interesting to see who else shares this special day:

1978 - A.J. from Backstreet Boys (who?)
1967 - Dave Matthews, singer
1959 - Mark Martin, NASCAR Driver
1951 - Crystal Gayle, Country singer
1944 - Jimmy Page, Led Zeppelin (that is so cool)
1941 - Joan Baez, Folk singer
1935 - Bob Denver, Gilligan
1913 - Richard Nixon, 37th U.S. President

As most people will tell you, I hate being wrong... about anything. That being said, I hope that I am wrong tonight. I think Florida is going to spank Oklahoma in the National Championship game. Nothing would make me happier than to be wrong this evening. I'm sure that most of you agree with me: you hate Florida, but predict that they will win another National Championship. Here's to being wrong!!! Go Sooners!!!

Kickoff is in 15 minutes, so why are you reading this? Get to the closest TV!

It's inevitable. Every year, it's inevitable. Two things happen every Christmas season: the decorations must go up, and the decorations must come down. I drew the short straw this year, and was in charge of getting all of the boxes from the attic. From the attic, I yelled, "Which boxes should I get?" Shannon responded that if it isn't luggage, I needed to bring it down. Imagine my elation...

Here I am, all decked out in my Alabama gear, ready for the Florida game. Little did I know that the undefeated Crimson Tide would soon lose to the evil Florida Gators for the SEC Championship. Now we go up against the Utes of Utah in the Sugar Bowl. As the judge from My Cousin Vinny once said, "What is a Ute?"

We recently had the chance to revisit the Georgia Aquarium. I have to admit that this visit was much better than our initial one. I'm pretty sure that the newness has worn off, and the crowds were much more manageable. Now we're looking forward to their dolphin exhibit (this should open in 2009).

Auburn - Multiple sources report that Auburn head football coach Tommy Tuberville is out.

There are conflicting reports as to whether he resigned or was fired.

He is the University's fourth longest tenured coach in school history.

His firing comes four years after the Tigers saw a perfect 13-0 season. In Saturday's Iron Bowl, the Crimson Tide shut out Auburn 36-0.

Tuberville is the only Auburn coach to ever win 6 consecutive games against the University of Alabama

An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews,Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto thebeach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down themiddle.

The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him thatin America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if thereis a name for it in Scotland.

The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."