Mike's Corner

Today, I found out where the women of the WWF work when they retire from wrestling: a little place called Massage Envy in Roswell, GA. My perception of a massage, and "Mariah's" reality couldn't have been more polar opposite. She was pleasant, at first, asking me if there were any problem areas that she needed to focus on. Answering this question was my greatest mistake. I mentioned that my lower back had been bothering me lately. Little did I know how much it would bother me in a few minutes. I'm not sure what she was looking for, but apparently it was somewhere in my stomach, and she was going through my back to get to it. At one point, she told me to let her know if the pressure was getting too intense, but that's hard to do when you're in too much pain to make a sound. After she took her knee out of my back and ripped out my hamstrings, I was instructed to roll over and lie on my back. She asked me if my arms were comfortable by my side, to which I replied, "That depends on what you're about to do." She laughed, then jerked my head damn near off my shoulders. Mariah explained that she needed to stretch my neck. Thanks lady. While the hour session might have been uncomfortable, I did leave feeling a lot better (although a little bit bruised).