Mike's Corner

Mason's Puzzle

2011-12-19T10:06:00.002-05:00

2011-11-13T20:34:00.004-05:00

Mason is 19 months and 9 days old. Everywhere we go, people comment on what a pretty girl he is. This kid needs a haircut.

We found a place that specializes in kids' haircuts called Pigtails and Crewcuts, but decided to tackle this project ourselves instead. How hard could this be?

We tried to distract Mason with a popsicle, but that only worked for about 42 seconds. Then we tried a yo-yo, a Rubik's cube, a light saber, a keychain, and a gnome. Needless to say, he has a very short attention span.

We finally finished, and Shan did an amazing job. Mason looks like a little boy again!

Mason Dancing

2011-11-13T08:49:00.002-05:00

Jim's Piano Movers

2011-11-07T20:27:00.002-05:00

The Hearn's piano was collecting dust, so we offered to take it off their hands. Luckily we had the perfect spot. The wood floors make for awesome accoustics. It's a shame Mason only knows one song: bang bang bang bang bang bang.

Picking Pumpkins

2011-10-16T22:25:00.002-04:00

Mexico Beach

2011-09-29T22:13:00.001-04:00

For our first "official" family vacation, we decided to go to Mexico Beach, FL to spend some time with my dad.

More to come...

Addison Claire Earnest

2011-09-27T22:33:00.002-04:00

David Mason Earnest

2011-09-27T22:30:00.001-04:00

Honda Pilot

2011-08-18T17:25:00.001-04:00

Gotta love that new car smell!

2011-07-18T17:35:00.001-04:00

Mike vs. Sandi

2011-07-11T20:35:00.004-04:00

Shannon had to be at work the other day, so it was up to me to take Addison and Mason to the doctor for their two-month and fifteen-month respective checkups. I felt confident in the challenge, but Shannon sent her mom with me for back-up.

We arrived on time (a feat for us both) and got the kids to the waiting area. After a short wait, we were escorted back to a 4' x 6' room with little circulation. After we stripped the kids, a nurse came in for some "information". It was at this point that I felt like I was on a game show against Sandi. Who could answer the questions faster?

Round 1 was fairly simple: Does Mason point at things? Is Addison holding her head up? How many days a week in daycare? The questions came rapid-fire but I think the score was tied in the end.

Round 2 was a little more difficult. I started sweating a little. The 4 by 6 was starting to feel smaller. Sandi was knocking out answers while I struggled to keep up: How many wet diapers per day? How many poopie diapers? How many ounces of formula does she eat, minus what she spits up? I made up some ground at the end, but I was pretty sure Sandi was ahead.

Final Jeopardy was downright impossible. The air had been completely turned off by this point. Sandi had purposely made me hold the big kid, which was like wrestling a bag of cats. Sweat rings were beginning to show through my shirt: How many words does Mason know? How many hours does Addison sleep at night? What's the square root of 289? What's the capital of Luxembourg? If a train is traveling west at 25 miles per hour...

No winner was officially declared that day, but we were released from our little inquisition with two happy and healthy kids. I guess we all win.

Addison Claire Earnest

2011-05-05T11:01:00.002-04:00

One year ago today, we brought Mason home from the hospital for the first time. Now we welcome Addison Claire to the world. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby.

Easter Sunday 2010

2011-04-25T20:40:00.005-04:00

Mason was born on an Easter Sunday, so this holiday will always be extra special to us. While not everyone in our families could be here this year, many of us got together to celebrate. After a late lunch, we walked down to the pond to feed the geese. And as you can see from the pictures, Addison will be here very soon! We are so excited to meet her, and to introduce her to everyone else!!!

Easter Bunny

2011-04-18T23:37:00.002-04:00

Poor kid didn't stand a chance against his mom and the photographer. When I saw the photos, I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

Premie Reunion

2011-04-16T20:30:00.002-04:00

One year ago, we spent 32 days with Mason in the NICU at Northside Hospital. While the time was very stressful, it would have been much worse without the wonderful nurses. We were able to see some of them again this weekend at the Northside Premie Reunion. I'm still not sure who had more fun: Mason or Pop.

Mason Walking

2011-03-30T18:26:00.003-04:00

Mason Walks!

2011-02-14T09:42:00.001-05:00

2011-02-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

My Favorite Super Bowl Ad

2011-02-08T19:12:00.000-05:00

4 Car Pileup in Dothan

2011-01-04T22:28:00.002-05:00

IT'S NOT HER FAULT!!! But mom was in another fender bender this week. The worst part? The police officer knew her by name upon arrival. "Hey Mary Ann! Are you O.K.?"

Mason's First Christmas

2010-12-25T09:01:00.002-05:00

2010-12-22T22:15:00.002-05:00

Mason's Walker

2010-11-21T18:56:00.002-05:00

Do You Have Tickets?

2010-11-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

Halloween 2010

2010-10-31T22:50:00.001-04:00

This is just one cute kid.

Cinco de Mayo

2010-05-05T21:58:00.003-04:00

After 32 long days, Mason was finally released from the seventh floor of Northside Hospital. I'm going to miss the cafeteria food, the 24/7 nursing care, the hours of sitting and waiting, and the constant ringing of the monitors. Well, maybe not. Welcome home Mason.

David Mason Earnest

2010-04-04T21:51:00.002-04:00

It's true. You never understand what love really is until you have a child.

Weighing in at 4 pounds, 14 ounces and with a ton of hair, Mason decided to enter the world six and a half weeks early. He's small, but he's healthy. Nothing else really matters.

Michael Buble

2010-03-14T22:09:00.001-04:00

Stamps

2010-02-17T19:22:00.002-05:00

The price of a stamp is going up to 44 cents. It's out of control. If only there was some other way to send written messages... If anyone can think of anything, just e-mail me.

Stages

2010-02-05T20:17:00.003-05:00

I have decided that there are 3 stages that every man goes through prior to being a father:

Stage I - You see a mother and child while walking through Target and think nothing of it. This is the stage prior to your own pregnancy.

Stage II - You see a mother and child while walking through Target and immediately think about the future: will you be a good father? etc...

Stage III - You see a mother and child while walking through Target and think, "That is one expensive stroller!"

Worst Song Ever

2010-01-19T18:16:00.002-05:00

I thought it was just me, but I am not alone. We Built This City was ranked #1 as the Worst Song Ever in a USA Today poll. I have known this for years, but now it has been confirmed.

Rounding out the top five are #2 - Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus), #3 - Everybody Have Fun Tonight (Wang Chung), #4 - Rollin' (Limpbizkit), and #5 - Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice).

One surprizing omition from the list was Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy. Maybe next time.

Taurus or Gemini?

2009-12-22T18:28:00.004-05:00

I've never been one to read too much into astrological signs, but just for fun I looked this up.

The due date for our baby is May 20th, 2010. If this is accurate, then he/she will be a Taurus - People born under this sign are known for their cool, calm and composed exterior.

If born a day later, then he/she will be a Gemini - Known as multi-faceted souls, people born under this sign love to know a little bit of everything.

For even more useless trivia, I found a few celebrities born on or near the 20th of May:

Dennis Hopper, Sugar Ray Leonard, Tina Fey, George Strait, Pope John Paul II, Andre the Giant, Busta Rhymes, Cher, Jimmy Stewart, Mr. T, Raymond Burr, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Drew Carey and Bob Dylan.

Mark Ingram - Heisman Winner

2009-12-12T20:28:00.002-05:00

In 1935, a halfback by the name of Jay Berwanger won the first ever Heisman Trophy. 73 more players would accept this award before a single Alabama player would get the nod. Mark Ingram is that player.

Ingram joins the most exclusive club in college football. A club with names like Pete Dawkins (Army 1958), Ernie Davis (Syracuse 1961), Roger Staubach (Navy 1963), Steve Spurrier (Florida 1966), Pat Sullivan (Auburn 1971), Tony Dorsett (Pittsburgh 1976), Marcus Allen (USC 1981), Herschel Walker (Georgia 1982), Doug Flutie (Boston College 1984), Bo Jackson (Auburn 1985), Barry Sanders (Oklahoma 1988), Eddie George (Ohio State 1995), and Sam Bradford (Oklahoma 2008).

Congratulations to Mark Ingram for winning the most prestigious award in college football.

Little known fact: In 1966, Steve Spurrier relinquished his Heisman trophy to the university president so that the award could be shared by the Florida students and faculty. The gesture caused Florida's student government to raise funds to purchase a replacement for Spurrier. From that point on, two trophies have been issued each year: one to the school and one to the individual.

Operation Baby Watch

2009-12-10T20:54:00.005-05:00

Due Date: Thursday, May 20th, 2010
Countdown: 23 weeks, 0 days
Gestational Age: 17 weeks,0 days
Trimester: 2nd
Baby Size: Turnip (5 inches, 5 oz.)

From "Pregnancy Tracker" application on iTouch.

P.S. Our baby now has fingerprints! How cool is that? He or she also has the ability to yawn and hiccup! Incredible.

Find My Family

2009-11-30T21:22:00.003-05:00

If you have ever teared up while watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, then you have no business watching Find My Family on ABC. It will absolutely rip your heart out and stomp on it. Bring the kleenex.

I Will Never Move Again!!!

2009-11-26T18:12:00.001-05:00

Shan and I have been looking at a neighborhood in Acworth for about 3 years. When a model home became available, we decided to put our house on the market just to see if we could get a nibble.

Four days. That's how long it took for our house to sell, or at least get an offer. Needless to say, we weren't even close to being prepared for a move. Too bad! Once this ball got rolling, there was no stopping it.

"New roof, new gutters and drains, replace some siding, replace all smoke detectors (thanks Al), and throw in your flat panel TV". These were the conditions of the sale. It didn't sound too bad, did it? "Oh yeah, you have 10 days to get it all done". Awesome...

Phase II - Paperwork. Somewhere in the world, there is a small forest that has been wiped out in order to print all of the documents we signed over the past 45 days. My hand had cramped to the point that I couldn't ever recognize my own signature.

After all of the I's were dotted and T's were crossed, it was finally time to close. Closing day was set for Friday, November 20th. We would move over the weekend and be ready for Thanksgiving at our house. On Wednesday the 18th, we find out that there is a snag with the buyers' financing (gulp). On Thursday the 19th, I'm told that this whole deal might not happen (double gulp). On Friday the 20th, I hear we might be back on again for Monday the 23rd. On Monday, the paperwork goes back to underwriting, but they are still missing a few forms. Closing is now tentatively pushed to Tuesday afternoon.

Tuesday (while at lunch with Shannon, who is on a need-to-know basis at this point) I discover that both closings will be that afternoon at 5:00 PM. Finally! I scheduled the movers (yet again) to show up Wednesday morning, the 25th.

At this point, Shan and I think we have finally reached the finish line. Of course not... While at closing, my agent asks the buyer where his wife is. He responds "She's packing the truck". I think, "That's odd. Why is she packing the truck in the dark?"

Turns out, their agent (aka Bonehead) had told them that we had moved on the original closing date. In their mind, the house was empty and ready. Our agent tries to explain the situation to them, but they claim that they only have their rental truck until 7 AM. The solution? Let them move all of their stuff into our garage. Seriously?

Problem #1 - Our garage is full. Chairs, boxes, treadmill, bikes, shelving units, yard tools, Christmas tree, etc. Solution #1 - The Hearns. They had everything packed back into the house before we even made it home. The are hereby Sainted.

Problem #2 - This kid had rented the world's smallest U-Haul. It would have taken him 17 trips to get his stuff moved. Solution #2 - "I'll give you 20 bucks to just go away. Come back tomorrow. Let us move out, then you can move in."

November 25th - Moving day. After a very long 45 days, we are in our new house. Thanksgiving will be even more special to us this year.

How Pumpkin Pie Is Made

2009-11-22T11:06:00.002-05:00

Operation Baby Watch

2009-11-20T20:14:00.002-05:00

Due Date: Thursday, May 20th, 2010
Countdown: 25 Weeks, 6 Days
Gestational Age: 14 Weeks, 1 Day
Trimester: 2nd
Baby Size: Navel Orange (4.5 inches, 2 to 3 oz.)

From "Pregnancy Tracker" application on iTouch.

Freezer Inventory

2009-11-20T19:41:00.003-05:00

Three months ago, there were generally very few items in our freezer at any given time: ice, a chicken casserole, a few beer mugs, etc...

Recently inventory has changed. I took a quick glance this evening and found Breyer's Butter Pecan Ice Cream, Mayfield Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches, Luigi's Italian Ice, Mango Sorbet, Raspberry Sorbet, Strawberry Sorbet, Fla-Vor-Ice, Ore-Ida Hashbrowns, Nancy's Quiche, Veggie Egg Rolls, and State Fair Corn Dogs.

P.S. My beer mugs have vanished.

P.P.S. I've gained 10 pounds in the last two months.

Drought

2009-11-01T16:43:00.003-05:00

I was going to pressure-wash the driveway today, but the water restrictions are still in effect. Not sure why...

Word of the Day

2009-10-29T19:12:00.002-04:00

Epidural - n. pl. -S an injection to produce loss of sensation.

Shannon asked me my thoughts around having an epidural during delivery. I told her I would definitely need one.

Ugly

2009-09-21T16:51:00.002-04:00

I met a nice older gentleman this afternoon. He had a bunch of animals and was building an ark.

Block Party

2009-06-15T17:35:00.002-04:00

The following article was on AJC.com today. The subdivision where this is being filmed is one block away from our house, and the walls are HUGE!!

In many TV shows and films (think “American Beauty” and “Weeds”), suburbia is symbolized as a prison of surface homogeneity, over-fertilized green lawns, gas-guzzling SUVs and kids on swing sets.

CBS is about to shoot a reality show tentatively called “Block Party” in Kennesaw that literally turns suburbia… into a prison.

Earlier this month, the network built 2,000 feet of stark 20-foot tall walls around eight homes in a Kennesaw subdivision, walls that resemble the outside of a maximum-security penitentiary — minus the barbed wire. There are even off-duty Kennesaw police stationed on the road to keep traffic moving.

Starting June 15, eight families in those homes will be trapped in their own homes for about three weeks, blocked by said wall. If they leave, they relinquish the chance to win an unspecified large cash prize. And given that this is CBS, expect the prize to be well into the six figures (but less than one million dollars.)

The wall literally abuts onto one of the homes. CREDIT: Rodney Ho/rho@ajc.com
During those three weeks, the families can only interact with each other while taking part in reward and elimination challenges, along the lines of sister CBS shows “Big Brother” or “Survivor.”

Jay Bienstock, a producer who has worked on “Survivor” and “The Apprentice,” said the concept is that suburban families lead such rushed, disparate lives, they don’t spend enough time together. This show will force them to do so. Dad can’t go off and play golf. The kids can’t go to ballet class or karate lessons. Mom can’t hit the mall.

He wouldn’t reveal what the challenges might be but they’ll be themed to suburban life — with a twist. “This isn’t something we are going to do, but it could be like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey with 200 real donkeys,” he said. (PETA might not be cool with that idea.)

Bienstock said it took months to find eight families on continguous properties willing to say yes to such an incredibly intrusive reality show. (The network is not making any of the families available to talk, especially since it hasn’t even started taping.)

They checked several cities, going door to door in suburban areas until they found this little alcove. The city of Kennessaw, he said, cleared it because 220 workers (mostly local) will be in the area for several weeks pumping money into the local economy.

The subdivision worked well for two major reasons: it’s very generic suburbia, making it relatable to the mass public, and the families are surprisingly diverse. “It could be Anywhere, USA,” Bienstock said. And while many suburban areas experience high turnover and lack community cohesion, these eight neighbors knew each other fairly well. And since the homes were build just a decade ago, most are the original home owners and all have kids of various ages.

The homes are valued in the $200,000 to $250,000 range, according to Zillow.com. A home up the block is on sale for $244,900. They’re pretty typical two-story suburban homes in the 2,500 square foot range. Most have four bedrooms, three baths with faux brick fronts.

The families themselves are classic middle class with folks working in sales, repair work and video production. “It’s like we hit the lottery,” he said, though he admits he doesn’t yet know what sort of fireworks may come out of sequestering these families for so long.

He isn’t sure when CBS is going to air the show or how many episodes will air, though it will probably be about seven. The fall lineup looks solid so this may be either a mid-season replacement/fill in or a show targeted for summer of 2010. The host will be Matt Rogers, who finished 11th on “American Idol” season three but showed more hosting skills than vocal skills after he left the show. (He hosts “Really Big Things” on Discovery Channel.)

The foreboding walls are typical Hollywood. They may be made of reinforced steel and may look solid, like those rocks the Six Million Dollar Man used to pick up, but one worker said the exterior is like cellophane and could be easily damaged with one swift punch.

Cruise 2009

2009-05-04T18:58:00.005-04:00

I called my father the other day to tell him I was in Miami and on the biggest boat that I had ever seen. He asked me if I was at the boat show...

Nope. I was on my very first cruise.

Shannon had been on two, so she was my "Cruise Guide". Pulling up to the port, I was amazed at how many of these huge vessels were lined up. Celebrity, Royal Carribean, Carnival, they were all there. Skyscrapers floating on water.

After finally getting on board (we had to navigate through security, which is similar to airport security), we went to the pool for the welcoming toast. Rum Runners and Pina Coladas were handed out as the staff hurried here and there to make sure everyone had a cocktail.

Next was the Muster Drill. In the case of an emergency (fire, pirates, iceburg, etc...) we were to report to our Muster Station, then "calmly" walk outside in a single-file line. The young lady explaining all of this turned out to be my blackjack dealer about 8 hours later. Now I feel safe...

Key West

2009-05-04T18:57:00.001-04:00

Our first stop was in Key West, which I had not been to in 20 years. We took the trolley tour to learn the city's history, had a beer at Sloppy Joe's, went to the original Margaritaville, toured Mel Fisher's Treasure, slipped into the Hard Rock Cafe, and saw the southern most point of the USA.

Cayman Islands

2009-05-04T18:55:00.000-04:00

The Dolphin Swim was the highlight of the Caymans, but I'll have to post those photos later. Across the street from Dolphin Discovery was the turtle farm. The most dangerous thing here were the iguanas that lurked in the trees. You never knew when they were going to fall or jump from the palm trees.

We saw our second Hard Rock Cafe and another Margaritaville while at the Caymans. We decided to eat at a local place instead though, Paradise Grill. We had two beers each, a fish sandwich, coconut shrimp, and a side of crappy service: 60 dollars US. The place was packed, of course (there were 3 cruise ships in the harbor with about 7000 hungry people).

2009-05-04T18:50:00.001-04:00

The view from our cabin was awful: we couldn't see any land, we couldn't see any clouds, very boring.

I was disappointed in the fact that I gained 9 pounds in 6 days. Maybe next time we should take a Jenny Craig Cruise. Food was everywhere! Turkey Club at 3 AM? No problem. Taco Bar by the pool, 4 buffets around the clock, dining room service with 5 star food nightly. Keep the wine flowing! I'll have another Rum Runner! (plus 15%, of course).

At our assigned dining room table were Jeff and Debbie from Arizona, Dave and Michelle from Toronto, and Stacy and Heather from Kentucky (not pictured, because Heather felt seasick on the last night).

One thing that I discovered from this cruise, a 6-day cruise is actually only a 4-day. The first and last days do not count. Next time we go, it will be a minimum of 9 days (which is actually 7). The food is great, the service is great, the activities are great, and the prices are astonomical. 3 out of 4 ain't bad.

Enjoying Your Job

2009-03-29T18:29:00.000-04:00

Shannon's Addiction

2009-03-16T19:02:00.003-04:00

Many people don't know this, but my lovely bride has a serious addiction: vacuum cleaners.

I do not suffer from this ailment, so when we met I still had the same vacuum that I owned in college. Heck, it was in almost mint condition.

Once we merged our assets (also known as "getting rid of all of Mike's stuff"), my vacuum disappeared. I'm still not sure why (like I said, mint condition).

I have learned a lot about vacuums over the last four years (whether I wanted to or not). I've come home from work only to find one of our vacuum cleaners completely taken apart in the den. I've even been sent to Vacuum World to get a new belt on more than one occasion.

We tend to do a lot of "test runs" at our house: buy a vacuum, vacuum the entire house every day for two weeks, return the vaccum. The latest vacuum that didn't pass the "cat hair test" was the Eureka Boss (although it sounded very impressive to me). We still have the latest version of the Hoover Flair upstairs (for light vacuuming), but here's a short list of brands that didn't make the cut: Oreck, Rainbow, ShopVac, Kirby, Bissell, Shark, Electrolux, Panasonic, Miele, and Dirt Devil. Don't even mention Dyson in our house unless you want to hear a dissertation about what Consumer Reports wrote.

Our latest purchase (but I'm assuming not the last) is the Kenmore Progressive 35922 Upright Vacuum. After the first "cat hair test", Shannon actually hugged the vacuum cleaner and whispered "I love you".

I'm telling you, addictions are scary...

Trip to Chattanooga

2009-03-09T19:56:00.002-04:00

Shannon and I were off Sunday and Monday, so we decided to take an unplanned trip to Chattanooga. I guess I never realized how close it was from Kennesaw or we would have gone much sooner!

We drove straight to Lookout Mountain and bought package tickets for "The Incline", Rock City, and Ruby Falls. "The Incline" didn't look so bad at first. It's only a little train, right? WRONG!!! It's a cable car over 100 years old that, with the slightest malfunction, can lead to a very quick and terrifying death. At least that's how I saw it.

Let me explain that I was under the impression that Rock City and Ruby Falls were at the top of "The Incline". They were not. We simply rode that evil manifestation for giggles, both up the mountain, then down again. As the good samaritan in the info booth at the apex explained, we would need to drive back up the mountain for the other two venues. Perfect...

After escaping death, we drove up to Rock City. Shannon and I agreed that this was the best of the three offerings. We were also lucky enough to pick a great weekend for it: 68 degrees, off-season, no crowds, etc...

Ruby Falls was interesting, but I seemed to get a minor case of claustrophobia during our 1/2 mile trek into the base of the mountain: it was around the time that the tour guide told us that there was 1450 feet between us and the surface above (the height of the Empire State Building for those keeping score). I could have gone all week without knowing that...

We survived our second careless act of the day, and decided to check into a hotel downtown. We got extremely lucky and found a room about 100 feet from the Tennessee Aquarium, right on the Tennessee River. We checked in, then headed to Bonefish Grill (our favorite restaurant) to meet my Uncle Ben and Aunt Kiyu for dinner.

Neither has changed a bit, and the four of us spent the next few hours enjoying incredible seafood and even better company. I could listen to Uncle Ben tell stories for day and days.

We slept in on Monday morning, mainly because we were wiped out from all of the walking the day before. Our calves hurt and we were starving. After a huge breakfast, we decided to tackle the Tennessee Aquarium. We have been to the Georgia Aquarium twice, so our expectations were high. Tennessee's version certainly didn't disappoint us.

We stopped in Dalton on the way home to see some of Shannon's friends, shopped at the outlet stores in Calhoun for a minute, then came on home to Kennesaw. We packed a lot into two days, but had a great time.

Incline Railway

2009-03-09T19:53:00.002-04:00

Rock City

2009-03-09T19:49:00.001-04:00

Ruby Falls

2009-03-09T19:40:00.004-04:00

Uncle Ben and Aunt Kiyu

2009-03-09T19:38:00.002-04:00

Tennessee Aquarium

2009-03-09T19:31:00.001-04:00

2009-03-09T19:29:00.000-04:00

The Bailout

2009-03-03T17:46:00.000-05:00

The Cayman Islands

2009-02-19T20:03:00.002-05:00

While in the Caymans this April, we're planning on swimming with the stingrays.

Shannon's idea... not mine.

Why I Fly First Class

2009-02-14T22:20:00.000-05:00

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast

2009-02-11T18:55:00.003-05:00

Jimmy and Tracy run an "office pool" with Survivor every year. Unlike most football or basketball pools, you don't get to choose who you think will win it all. Instead, you are assigned a player before you know anything about them.

Shannon and I drew Benjamin "Coach" Wade. I found the following bio on him:

Aside from setting the world record for the longest solo kayak expedition on the ocean (an amazing 6,132 miles), Wade has also been attacked by a tiger shark, stalked by a jaguar in the Amazon and has been bitten by a piranha on his right hand. To say that he is a Type A, Alpha male, who likes to control the environment around him may just be an understatement. Coach's dominant personality will be a force to be reckoned with in the game.

We're certainly pulling for Ben to be the best one in the game this year (hey, it's 50 bucks!).

P.S. Get a haircut.

Only Golfers Will Get This Joke

2009-02-05T23:42:00.001-05:00

A murder has been committed.

Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"

"Yes."

"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man, answers.

He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?"

"I don't know. Five...maybe six ...put me down for a five."

Coca-Cola Heist

2009-02-02T15:53:00.001-05:00

This was by far my favorite commercial during this year's Super Bowl, not that there was much to choose from. You should recognize the music from Peter and the Wolf. Find your favorite commercial at www.youtube.com/adblitz

Circular Reasoning

2009-01-29T09:23:00.001-05:00

I Love Irony

2009-01-28T17:58:00.001-05:00

"14 Lunches Later" by Corey Thompson Kirkland

2009-01-26T19:17:00.005-05:00

The following was written by a friend from high school. I came across it the other day and thought it was fantastic...

In the summer of 1995, I was walking down a sidewalk in downtown New York City, New York, with some friends. As we passed an ice cream parlor, I noticed an old man sitting alone eating a strawberry ice cream cone. About a block later one of my friends noticed I was crying and asked what was wrong. I told her about the old man. It was so sad to me.

I love old men. There is something so venerable about their frail bodies that are hunched over with the weight of a lifetime, their eyes full of history and their wrinkles laced with memories. I decided that night that old men should never have to eat alone.

Since then, whenever I see an old man eating by himself, I ask them if I can join them. I have enjoyed the company of fourteen gentlemen since that day.

I met Sid in Union Springs, Alabama. I pumped his gas for him and then we split a pack of cheese crackers. He told me about his grandson, Darius, who was attending Auburn University. He was the first person in Sid’s family to ever go to college. He cried as he told me about him.

Farmer and I ate hot dogs in Bayou la Batre, Alabama. When I asked him how he had made his living, he told me he was a farmer. Before I could smile he said, “What else could I do with a name like Farmer?”

In Paducah, Kentucky, I ate chili cheese fries and drank a strawberry shake with Emmett. He was a retired physician. I asked him how he stayed so young looking. He told me that he always paid attention to nutrition. “I mean look at this meal. We have had all the basic food groups in one sitting!”

In the airport in St. Louis, Missouri, I met Franklin. He told me he had been in love with the same woman for fifty-seven years. “The only real problem with her” he said, “is she is married to my brother.” I told him that he was breaking my heart. “Then I guess we should order a beer,” he replied. We did.

In the airport in Newark, New Jersey, I ate cheeseburgers with Spencer. He was waiting on his grandson to arrive. He was about to meet his great granddaughter for the first time. Her name was Isabelle.

In Jasper, Alabama, I dined with Lexington. He had a twin brother who drowned when they were ten years old. He had chili and I ate a grilled cheese sandwich. It was the anniversary of his brother’s death.

George and I met at Durbin Farms in Clanton, Alabama. He and his wife Delores had been putting up peaches for over forty years. He didn’t think two less peaches would hurt, so we sat together and ate two of the most perfect peaches ever grown. While peach juice dripped from our sticky fingers, he told me about his daughter. She had become addicted to pain killers after a car accident that had taken her husband’s life. She had been addicted for years. She had tried several times to get help, but things were never the same.

Bobby and I met in Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee. His son had been killed in Vietnam. He still had the flag that the army gave him at the funeral. It was on his bed-side table. We ate ham and cheese sandwiches.

Reginald and I ate home made fried chocolate pies at a little gas station in Sand Rock, Alabama. He was a carpenter by trade. When he got married, he made his wife a bed out of cherry as her wedding gift. Two years before we met, he had built her casket.

On the river bank in Augusta, Georgia, I had a liquid lunch of cheap vodka with Sanford. We shared a game of chess and talked politics. He told me about how he learned to read sitting outside the window of the white school house. He beat me badly at chess.

Richard and I ate barbeque at the Smokehouse at the Pineapple/Greenville, Alabama exit on I65. He thought his son was gay, but was too embarrassed to bring it up to him and tell him that he loved him anyway.

Charles, “I just hate the nickname Chuck,” was finishing his meal in Fort Deposit, so I joined him for a slice of ice box lemon pie. He had been a high school football coach. The Hornets were undefeated his last season.

Robert was a “dealer of formerly cherished, fine antiquities.” He had the best junk store in Mentone, Alabama. He found early on, that if you word things just right, that people will pay more for something. “They buy the story just as much as the furniture.”

Jerry was having tomato soup in Leeds, Alabama. I just had a soda. His daughter was married to “a real jackass, but their kids are real cute.”

Fourteen lunches later, I can remember these men’s faces. I can remember their stories. They are forever burned in my memory. But the face that I see more clearly than them all is the one that belongs to the story that I never knew. It is the most intriguing one of all – the cutest little man sitting quietly alone on a hot summer night in New York City slowing eating a strawberry ice cream cone. I think if I could have one “do over” in life, I would go back to that street that night, walk into the ice cream parlor and simply ask, “Mind if I join you?”

The Ultimate Walk-in Closet

2009-01-16T13:10:00.001-05:00

American Idol 2009

2009-01-14T21:52:00.002-05:00

Some people think this show sucks. Some think that it is rigged. Some think it's boring. Some think it's mean.

Shannon and I think it's awesome! We've both loved it for years. We are always amazed at the talent that comes out, and equally amazed by the untalented that are shocked that they aren't "going to Hollywood".

Although some winners have been more successful than others, here's a rundown on the first seven winners:

2002 - Kelly Clarkston
2003 - Ruben Studdard
2004 - Fantasia
2005 - Carrie Underwood
2006 - Taylor Hicks
2007 - Jordin Sparks
2008 - David Cook
2009 - ??????

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2009-01-10T22:29:00.003-05:00

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was originally published on May 27, 1922. F. Scott Fitzgerald's story was inspired by a remark of Mark Twain's to the effect that it was a pity that the best part of life came at the beginning and the worst part at the end.

I read the short story hours before seeing the movie version, and can truly say that the movie is definitely a "loose" adaptation of the real deal. Both were good, but I can't figure out why they had to stray so far from the original. The only similarities between the two were the facts that his name was Benjamin, and he grew younger rather than older. That was it. Everything else was simply made up.

In my opinion (which doesn't matter much), Eric Roth (screenwriter) decided to take a great idea and make it his own. I hate that. It seemed like he said, "This is how I would write it."

So while I hated the fact that the story had been tainted, I loved the movie. The running time was 2 hours and 48 minutes, but it certainly didn't seem like it. There was a new adventure around every corner. Watching Cate Blanchett age and Brad Pitt get younger was like watching an impending train wreck: a disaster that you can't not watch.

I will not be surprised if Button wins many Oscars this year, but will be disappointed if it wins the award for Best Adaptation, but this is only my opinion.

Mike... the critic.

First Kiss

2009-01-09T21:08:00.002-05:00

It's tough to have the courage to use tongue during your first kiss.

Happy Birthday Shannon!!!

2009-01-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

Shannon turns 29 (again) today, so I thought it would be interesting to see who else shares this special day:

1978 - A.J. from Backstreet Boys (who?)
1967 - Dave Matthews, singer
1959 - Mark Martin, NASCAR Driver
1951 - Crystal Gayle, Country singer
1944 - Jimmy Page, Led Zeppelin (that is so cool)
1941 - Joan Baez, Folk singer
1935 - Bob Denver, Gilligan
1913 - Richard Nixon, 37th U.S. President

Florida vs. Oklahoma

2009-01-08T20:06:00.003-05:00

As most people will tell you, I hate being wrong... about anything. That being said, I hope that I am wrong tonight. I think Florida is going to spank Oklahoma in the National Championship game. Nothing would make me happier than to be wrong this evening. I'm sure that most of you agree with me: you hate Florida, but predict that they will win another National Championship. Here's to being wrong!!! Go Sooners!!!

Kickoff is in 15 minutes, so why are you reading this? Get to the closest TV!

Gus

2008-12-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

Our beloved cat, Gus, passed away early Friday morning. He brought a tremendous amount of joy to our lives and will be severely missed. http://www.aspca.org/

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T11:40:00.001-05:00

Bobby Lowder's office in Auburn

2008-12-20T19:34:00.001-05:00

If Only College Football Had a Playoff

2008-12-10T19:32:00.002-05:00

I found this on the web today. While I don't like the (presumed) outcome, I certainly like the premise. This is a 64-team, 6-game playoff system that mirrors the NCAA Basketball Tournament, commonly known around my house as March Madness (also referred to as "get off the couch and go mow the lawn" or "you can't call in sick 3 weeks in a row"). While many feel that this system would be fiscally irresponsible (losing all of that Bowl Game money), I disagree. Most fans would see any playoff game remotely close to them. Just my opinion... ME

Decorating for Christmas

2008-12-08T21:19:00.003-05:00

It's inevitable. Every year, it's inevitable. Two things happen every Christmas season: the decorations must go up, and the decorations must come down. I drew the short straw this year, and was in charge of getting all of the boxes from the attic. From the attic, I yelled, "Which boxes should I get?" Shannon responded that if it isn't luggage, I needed to bring it down. Imagine my elation...

SEC Championship

2008-12-07T21:08:00.001-05:00

Here I am, all decked out in my Alabama gear, ready for the Florida game. Little did I know that the undefeated Crimson Tide would soon lose to the evil Florida Gators for the SEC Championship. Now we go up against the Utes of Utah in the Sugar Bowl. As the judge from My Cousin Vinny once said, "What is a Ute?"

Georgia Aquarium

2008-12-06T21:02:00.000-05:00

We recently had the chance to revisit the Georgia Aquarium. I have to admit that this visit was much better than our initial one. I'm pretty sure that the newness has worn off, and the crowds were much more manageable. Now we're looking forward to their dolphin exhibit (this should open in 2009).

Auburn Smoke Detector

2008-12-05T19:40:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-05T18:45:00.000-05:00

Tubby Gone...

2008-12-03T18:39:00.002-05:00

Auburn - Multiple sources report that Auburn head football coach Tommy Tuberville is out.

There are conflicting reports as to whether he resigned or was fired.

He is the University's fourth longest tenured coach in school history.

His firing comes four years after the Tigers saw a perfect 13-0 season. In Saturday's Iron Bowl, the Crimson Tide shut out Auburn 36-0.

Tuberville is the only Auburn coach to ever win 6 consecutive games against the University of Alabama

Golf

2008-12-02T19:05:00.001-05:00

An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews,Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto thebeach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down themiddle.

The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him thatin America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if thereis a name for it in Scotland.

The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."

Economical Lunch

2008-11-20T17:14:00.004-05:00

In light of the economy, Shannon and I have been trying to find ways to spend less money. We recently discovered that Costco saves us a lot of money, in more ways than one. Here is how you need to plan your next lunch hour with your significant other.

Upon entering, go directly to the hot dog counter (usually located behind the checkout lanes). Purchase 1 hot dog and a coke for $1.50 ($1.59 after tax). Share the hot dog and coke, get a refill on the coke, then get a buggy (it is important to look like you are shopping in order to pull this off).

Head straight for the deli area first. They are always handing out samples of sausage, salami, etc... Turn left at the rear of the store and walk about 113 feet. There is a permanent "sample stand" with a great lobster spread (this is their number 1 seller in the seafood department, thus the permanent stand). Turn right for some cheeses, then make a quick u-turn if you would like the spinach and mozzarella ravioli.

At this point you must be somewhat tactful. From this vantage point, there are 3 sample stands in clear view. Fight temptation and go down aisle 319 and go toward the front of the store (trust me on this). Circle back from aisle 313 and you can sample rice crispy treats, coffee, pomegranite juice (100% natural!), jumbo wings, veggie burgers (yuck) and finally peanut brittle and fudge for dessert!

Practice makes perfect, and once you feel like you have the hang of it, try it at shift change so you can go through twice!

Ben's Big City Adventure

2008-11-19T17:53:00.001-05:00

My brother works for a funeral home in Dothan, AL. He wears many hats with his position, and one of them is transporting bodies to certain destinations. Recently, a Mexican gentleman passed away and needed to be sent home to Mexico. Ben was put in charge of taking him to the Mexican Consulate, then Hartsfield Jackson airport.

Ben's oldest daughter, Baylee, is in sixth grade, and is currently studying the United Nations. Because of this, Ben thought it would be a good idea to take her with him on this little trip for educational purposes. What could possibly go wrong?

After filing the proper paperwork at the Mexican Consulate (and a quick visit to their favorite TGI Friday's), they headed down I-75 to the airport. Anyone who has been to this airport any less than 10 times can easily get a little confused. Ben has been once, and that was about 22 years ago.

I'm not sure how (you would have to ask him), but Ben ended up on the tarmac of the Continental Cargo terminal. Probably not the best place to run out of gas... yup, out of gas.

So let's back up and take a snapshot of what's going on here: Ben, with his 11-year-old daughter, in a hearse, with a body, and no gas, on the tarmac, and it's getting dark outside. There is no way that I could make this up.

It was at this point in his little adventure that the real fun began. Workers scrambling all over the place, and not a single person offered to help. They claimed that they were shorthanded. Baylee's suggestion was to wheel the casket down the tarmac; surely someone would offer to help at that point (I'm with her on this one). An hour and many phone calls later (at one point Ben, myself, and mom were tying up 3 lines with Continental Customer Service) they finally got some help.

I can't wait to hear about the look on Baylee's teacher's face when she asks, "What did you learn yesterday on your field trip?"

I Wish I Had Thought of This

2008-11-09T17:46:00.000-05:00

Voting Day in Georgia

2008-11-04T17:53:00.003-05:00

It's a good thing that I cleared my schedule today. I knew the lines would be long (which they weren't, I waited 8 minutes), but I had no idea how much free stuff I could get with my "I'm a Georgia Voter" sticker. First, I went to Starbucks for my free cup of coffee. Then I was off to Krispy Kreme for my free star-shaped donut (with red, white and blue sprinkles on top). I headed over to Chick-Fil-A for my free chicken sandwich, then decided I was in the mood for dessert. So I found the closest Ben & Jerry's for my free scoop of ice cream. Now, I'm so hyped up from all of the sugar and caffeine that I'm going to paint the house... twice. ME

BCS Rankings

2008-11-03T17:12:00.004-05:00

Things certainly got shaken up this week with Texas losing to Texas Tech. Poor Joe Pa and his Nittany Lions dropped to third without playing one snap, and Alabama slid into the top spot for the first time (during regular season play) since 1980. Auburn has completely fallen off the radar... Here are the top five and their remaining schedules (rankings based on CBS Sportsline's Top 120).

Alabama faces LSU (16), Mississippi State (72) and Auburn (60), then Florida (5) in the SEC Championship.

Texas Tech has it's work cut out with Oklahoma State (9) and Oklahoma (6), then finishes with Baylor (92).

Penn State has their usual easy opponents with Iowa (45), Indiana (77) and Michigan State (19). The computer rankings will kill them even if they win out, which they should.

Texas should also win out with Baylor (92), Kansas (26) and Texas A&M (65). Poor Baylor... they close out their schedule with Texas and Texas Tech.

Florida takes the next four weeks off with Vandy (46), South Carolina (38), the Citadel (NR) and Florida State University (23).

I love college football... Mike

The Iron Bowl... From a Different Perspective

2008-11-03T16:53:00.001-05:00

Dancing With The ...?

2008-10-18T20:13:00.001-04:00

The Latest AP Rankings

2008-10-12T18:53:00.002-04:00

Alabama had a bye week, but there was certainly a lot of movement in the rankings this week, especially with #'s 1, 3, and 4 losing. Alabama was leapfrogged by a very deserving Texas, and Florida was robbed of a top 3 position after whoopin' LSU. Here they are:

1. Texas

2. Alabama

3. Penn State

4. Oklahoma

5. Florida

6. USC

7. Texas Tech

8. Oklahoma State

9. BYU

10. Georgia

Other notable SEC teams:

13. LSU

22. Vandy

I exhausted every resource trying to find Auburn's ranking, but was unsuccessful. Sorry... ME

E-mail Warnings!!!

2008-10-11T19:23:00.000-04:00

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Sarah Palin" in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain a virus.

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton," do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.

Auburn Football

2008-10-04T15:45:00.000-04:00

What did the Auburn player get on his S.A.T.?

Drool.

Houndstooth, Nike Style.

2008-09-27T16:56:00.002-04:00

Quite possibly the finest looking Alabama hat that I have ever seen. All the cool people are wearing them. And yes, I already have one. Roll Tide!!!

www.footballfanatics.com

Curb Appeal

2008-09-26T17:28:00.002-04:00

For those of you who have never seen this process, this is the coolest thing since sliced bread. First, they bring out a machine to dig out the grass near your shrubs. Then they mix the concrete to the color of your choosing. Another machine slowly spits out the concrete along the selected path. Fianlly, they stamp the concrete with the letter "H" to make it all look like brick. 2 hours...done! How cool is that? www.mycustomedge.com

An Obituary

2008-09-19T23:18:00.000-04:00

Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny.

Poor Auburn...

2008-09-16T19:23:00.000-04:00

1985 Iron Bowl

2008-09-15T19:12:00.001-04:00

I was fortunate enough to be at this game, but at age 14, I'm sure I didn't realize how impressive this ending truly was.

Kitchen Tile

2008-09-12T21:28:00.002-04:00

After months of promising, I am finally having our kitchen and downstairs bathroom retiled. At one point, I was going to do it myself Boy, am I glad we didn't go that route! After watching this process for three days, I realized that it would have taken me a month to do this project, and it wouldn't have looked nearly as good. These shots are pre-grout (except for the last one), but you can see the difference that it makes. Mueller Tile and Stone did the work, and I highly recommend them: tilemastersofgeorgia@hotmail.com

Overcoming Adversity

2008-09-10T22:23:00.003-04:00

We are in the process of putting down new tile in our kitchen and downstairs bathroom. This has thrown us more curveballs than we were prepared for. Our fridge is in the dining room, and our toilet is in the garage. The fridge is still cold, so I assume the toilet still works (at least I hope). ME

Bama vs. Clemson

2008-09-10T18:57:00.000-04:00

The last time I went to an Alabama game with Rob Paulding was September 2, 2000 when we flew out to LA to witness the Tide get killed by UCLA (35-24). Trust me, the game was not as close as the score leads you to believe, especially since Alabama was preseason ranked number 3 in the country.

This year, Alabama's (#24) season opener was against Clemson (#9). Unless you live under a rock, you've already heard that Alabama beat Clemson like a drum. What a great game! Along with Rob and myself were Jimmy Rhoades (a regular on this site) and Gary Linderman (an old roommate from my Birmingham days). Gary is an Auburn fan, but I'm fairly certain I heard him yell Roll Tide once or twice during the game. .. ME